


appealing to emotions that i simply do not have

by angelblur



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, M/M, its cute trust me, qpp, qpr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4612431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelblur/pseuds/angelblur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i wish i wasn't like this," he mumbles, peeking open wet eyes to stare accusingly at the stars. "fuck, tyler, i just want to say it! just once, just—just to be able to pretend, at least."</p>
            </blockquote>





	appealing to emotions that i simply do not have

**Author's Note:**

> needed more ace/aro reppin in the clique

"ok, c'mere, dogbreath, i got breakfast club."

snorting, josh unceremoniously crawls his way into tyler's top bunk and immediately curls into his side; tyler ruffles his hair, and josh makes a noise only comparable to purring as he shrinks deeper into his sweater. "this the one with the, um..." sleepily, josh raises a fist in the air and softly sings. " _don't you forget about me_ , right?"

giggling, tyler nods and haphazardly taps the play button on his laptop. "i, uh, i marked the parts we can skip," he muses, contentedly running fingers down josh's back and biting back a grin as he nuzzles into his hold. "it doesn't affect the movie much, so we're good."

"you know, tyler, it never does," josh hums smugly, perking up slightly as the intro music begins. "name one movie where the romantic interest or sex appeal changed the outcome. can you do it? nope."

tyler raises his eyebrows sarcastically, as if he were thinking, and josh kicks his shin under the covers. "you're right, you're right," he laughs, nudging him back. "sex and love aren't necessary in film, just like they aren't in real life."

"good talk," josh yawns, shoving his face back into tyler's chest and breathing contentedly. they stay silent the rest of the movie, the only disturbance being when two characters make out and the fast forward isn't working; tyler shuts his eyes tightly, trying not to shake, while josh sings ridiculously loudly over the scene.

when it passes, josh promptly jumps on tyler and hugs him tightly. "sorry," he murmurs, curling tightly into his chest as he frowns against tyler's neck. "sorry, sorry."

"not your fault," tyler mumbles, flipping the laptop shut. "can we...?"

"yeah! yeah, yeah, of course," josh nods, nudging the computer over before pulling the blankets up to cover them both. he automatically balls his fists against tyler's t-shirt and sighs dreamily as tyler's fingers run through his hair once more; tyler tugs on the loose, tangled curls, and the sound resonating from josh's chest mimics a sigh of contentment. 

after a brief lapse of pleasant silence, josh scootches up a bit so his nose bumps tylers, and he grins as he pecks him briefly. tyler lets out a squeak of flustered surprise but returns the kiss, biting playfully on josh's bottom lip; he leaves it at that, wrapping lanky arms around josh's waist as he once more burrows into his chest. 

it'll be okay.

•¥•

tyler finds out he's asexual when he's twelve years old. 

he's in his older brother's room, sitting criss-cross on the carpet as he watches him tear down posters and throw things around the room. "fuck mom and dad," he hisses, chucking his headphones across the room. 

tyler nods solemnly. "fuck 'em," he agrees, grinning as zack punches a wall.

their parents hadn't let him go to his girlfriend's party, and, according to zack, "the pussy" was gonna be there. now that he isn't able to go, he's throwing a fit, and tyler's totally into it.

"fuck! holy—ggh. _fuck_!" zack repeats, kicking the frame of his bed and sending all the contents from underneath tumbling. blinking in awe, tyler quickly scampers his scrawny body underneath the mattress to snatch the box that spilled all over the floor. 

"zacky!" he calls, poking his timid head out from underneath the frame to get zack's still livid attention. "are these titties?"

zack screeches to a halt, torso thunking against the wall as he swivels around. "what?" he hisses, snatching the magazine from tyler's hand before tossing it back. "oh. uh, yeah. you can have that, if you want."

humming in interest, tyler picks it back up as he scans his eyes over the pictures. he's surprised all these girls can make these poses, but they make his stomach feel funny. he shoves it back into the box, but when he looks up to tell zack about it, he looks puzzled.

"hm?" tyler questions, batting his eyelids in wonder as zack walks up and takes the magazine back. 

"didn't you...like it?" zack starts, eyebrows drawn as tyler tugs on his bottom lip. shrugging, tyler looks to the mag, then back to zack, still confused as ever. 

"not really?" he mumbles, tugging his legs up to his chest as he flutters his long lashes.

head cocking to the side, zack stands quiet for a moment before going over to the other side of the room and rummaging around. tyler watches silently, bouncing his knees until another book's at his feet. he picks it up in interest, flipping through the pages again before flicking his chin back upwards to zack. 

"their penises are out," he notes, waggling it in zack's face. "are they supposed to be doing that? i don't like it."

grumbling in an awkward loss for words, zack grabs it back before shooing tyler out of his room. the last thing he hears is a muttered, "fucking freak," before the door slams shut. 

tyler watches porn for the first time that night. 

he doesn't enjoy it. at all. 

he's not okay. 

•¥•

josh finds out he's aromantic when he's fifteen years old. 

he's got a girlfriend. her name is debby, and she has bouncy orange curls and a smile that makes his pants tight—which he guesses is strange, but that's all he feels. just a stirring in his jeans. weird. 

when she tells him she loves him for the first time, he stiffens up. 

he doesn't know why; he's said he loves his parents, and his siblings, and the guitarist of my chemical romance, so he doesn't get why he can't say it to his girlfriend. his _girlfriend_ , the person he should love more than anything. 

she blinks before turning around on josh's creaky mattress, the flickering light from the television illuminating her concerned face. "baby?" she starts softly, biting her bottom lip in worry. "didn't you hear me? i said, i love you."

josh's heart starts to hurt, and he promptly turns away and vomits on the floor. 

a blanket of silence fills the room as josh listlessly watches the bile drip from his lips, forming a disgusting puddle on the floor. coughing, debby stands, running her fingers through her hair as he sniffs. when josh looks up, he sees her crying. 

"no, don't go, deb!" he tries, wiping his mouth as he stands and maneuvers away from the mess. "please. wait."

she complies, crossing her arms in his doorway as he rests his hands on her shoulders. debby glares, "say it."

"say—say what?" josh blinks, the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach returning as his fingers begin to tremble. 

debby's brow furrows. "say you love me, josh," she demands, although her voice cracks near the end of her words. 

summoning his courage, josh forces his anxiety down as he swallows air desperately and looks his girlfriend straight in the eyes. "debby," he starts, and her eyes begin to shimmer with hope. "debby, i—"

josh swivels around and pukes again. 

she breaks up with him two days later.

he's not okay. 

•¥•

" _marry me, josh!_ "

wincing, josh fumbles the beat he's struggling to play, biting his bottom lip roughly as he bangs out the line. fuck. why do those chicks have to be so close to him? he can hear everything they say perfectly, and, god, he missed another. _marry me._ yup, he's gonna cry. or throw up. or both. 

"josh." looking up from his intense gaze on the cymbals, josh sees tyler boosting himself on the drumstand to get eye level with him. he's peeking out of his ski mask with concern, head cocking to the side as he keeps the mic away from his lips and lets the crowd's confused cheers wash over them. "you alright?"

taking a shuddering breath, josh nods, offering tyler a weak smile as he twitchingly adjusts his earpiece. "yeah," he mouths, looking back to the girls who'd screamed as their faces drain of color. they know what they did. "yeah, i'll be fine, tyler."

"i like you." at that, josh can't bite back a grin, a tiny giggle leaving his lips as tyler smiles back and hops off the platform. 

"like you, too!" he calls; before anyone can react, he's slamming down _the judge_ and closing his eyes. 

he'll be okay.

•¥•

"breathe with me, tyler, c'mon. you're okay, that's it, breathe."

trembling violently, tyler shoves his face into josh's throat and withers out a sob, hands clenching his desperately. josh's sure brendon's hammering on the door right about now, but patrick's vocals from the stage outside overpower any other noise besides the music and tyler's cries. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry," he gasps, yanking back to rest his forehead against josh's. "i'm being stupid."

"no." josh instantly reaches around to cup tyler's face, eyes serious as he soothingly rubs his thumbs over his cheekbones. "no, you're not. brendon knows better not to smack your ass, ty, he was being the stupid one. no, no, sh, no crying again, we're calming down."

hiccuping, tyler wipes his eyes before nodding, swallowing a few gasps of air before folding back into josh. "can we just—?" he shakes, wrapping lanky arms around josh's waist. "just for a few more minutes, please?"

without hesitation, josh nods, resting his hands on the small of tyler's back. "of course," he hums, casually kissing his jaw once as he shudders with more tears. 

they'll be okay.

•¥•

rubbing his palms against his eyes, josh slumps onto his back as tyler looks over to him curiously. "i wish i wasn't like this," he mumbles, peeking open wet eyes to stare accusingly at the stars. "fuck, tyler, i just want to say it! just once, just—just to be able to pretend, at least."

face crumpling, tyler clears the roof of the tour bus to arrive next to josh, brushing his hair nervously out of his eyes. "don't say that," he says firmly, making josh look at him by gently grasping his chin. "you don't have to say it, josh, i know."

sniffling, josh grabs at tyler's shoulders and yanks him pleadingly to his chest. tyler squeaks in surprise but eventually relaxes, letting josh splay his hands over his spine as he curls his gaunt legs tighter to him. "i know that," he mumbles, resting his lips in tyler's long hair. he keeps insisting on getting a haircut. josh threatened to leave the band of he did. "it just kinda hurts sometimes. 's all."

"hey." propping up on his forearms, tyler shifts himself so his body's parallel to josh's, noses touching as josh blinks away the stars in the sky to focus on the one in tyler's eyes. "listen up, punk. i like you, and you like me. that's all i care about. there's no pain, alright? don't need to be any. no romance and no sex, easy peasy."

grinning despite himself, josh can't resist tilting up and giving tyler a little smooch. giggling, tyler returns it before resting his face back into the pale warmth of josh's neck as josh's hands rest on his waist. "okay, ty," he laughs softly, letting his body relax as he focuses on the twinkling of the stars and the steadily calming pace of tyler's breath. in, out, in, out. 

•¥•

when tyler is thirteen, he sprints out of sex ed. 

•¥•

when josh is sixteen, he's attacked by a group of girls and kissed all over. he has a panic attack. 

•¥•

when tyler is fifteen, his best friend is drunk and jokingly grabs his crotch. tyler screams and faints. 

•¥•

when josh is twenty-two, he meets tyler. he's very, very pretty. 

•¥•

when tyler is twenty-one, he meets josh. he's drop-dead gorgeous. 

•¥•

when josh is twenty-three, tyler tells him he loves him. josh vomits, but he doesn't run away. 

•¥•

when tyler is twenty-four, he and josh are kissing before josh reaches a hand under his shirt. tyler cries, but he doesn't pass out. 

•¥•

they explain. 

•¥•

when josh is twenty-seven, he lies on the roof of his tour bus with his queer platonic partner happily asleep on top of him. tyler shines brighter than the entirety of the universe. 

•¥•

when tyler is twenty-six, he sleeps on top of the most perfect person he has ever known.

he smiles. 

_okay._


End file.
